My new goal is “enough.” I want to eat enough food – not too little or too much. I want to be mindful enough regarding what I eat without being too strict or too careless about my food choices. I want to get enough activity and enjoy moving my body without going overboard or getting obsessive as I have in the past. There is a nice balance in all things that I am looking to find – and that includes finding a balance in the balance because being overly committed to balance can also cause imbalance (that will make sense to anyone who struggles as I do – and will perhaps sound like nonsense to those who don’t). Being in the state of “enough-ness” is going to take some getting used to, but I’m here for it!
On this blog, I am attempting to be very aware of the words I use to describe how I am managing my own diabetes and the struggles I’m having as I go. I catch myself using words that are potentially triggering and I work to switch those out with words that make my point understandable, without adding the unwanted aspects of criticism, judgment, or moralism. It’s not an easy task. I think I’ve referred to the “program” I’m following multiple times in this blog already. I’m going to be thinking about better words to use. It’s an evolving process for me.
One problem in a society used to instant results and instant gratification is that we expect everything to happen right away. Healing almost never happens in that fashion – and the other truth is that it doesn’t always go in a linear fashion either. Our bodies and minds are complex – and especially when dealing with a chronic condition like diabetes, we need to have a great deal of patience and compassion with ourselves and our bodies. This isn’t easy – mentally, emotionally, or physically. I’m going to be addressing the issues that are coming up for me as I go along. Perhaps you’ll be able to relate. Some days are better than others. We do what we can to keep on keeping on.
So, this dance with diabetes continues for me. It’s not all smooth and easy – and I am far from perfect at it. I’m still figuring out the balance, but I feel hopeful. I know that I have some leeway – I just need to be mindful of how far from the original program I stray. It took many months of being pretty careless before I really paid the price. It’s daily decisions that add up over time, not every single meal. I know this – now I just have to do it – in a way that supports my emotional and mental health as well as my physical health.