The Dance with Diabetes Continues

TW/CW: This post contains talk of emotional eating/food issues, suicidal ideation and other mental health challenges. I haven’t written in quite a while (months!) – and I’ll tell you why: I really haven’t been doing my program or being careful at all. As a result, my blood sugar has risen and been staying fairly high.

My New Doctor is F-ing Useless to Me – Here’s Why

I just turned 58 years old. In all of my years, I’ve only had one good general practitioner MD. ONE. I’d still be with her if I hadn’t moved out of state. She’s the only one I’ve ever trusted or respected at all. She’s the only one who’s ever truly listened to me – and respected my own choices about my own body.

Allowing My Blood Sugar Level To Be “Good Enough”

My point of this post is to say that life happens – and that we don’t always have favorable conditions to manage our diabetes perfectly. In that case, we just do the best we can – and allow that to be good enough. I’ve tended in my life to be a perfectionist – but that isn’t sustainable – or practical or even ideal in a human life.

Dear Doctor, Please Stop Trying To Push Drugs On Me

Have you read about the side effects of metformin or of statins? Or really, any pharmaceutical drugs? They are terrifying to me. Drug commercials on TV are absolutely absurd with their litany of potential deadly side effects to “cure” a condition that is nowhere near as serious as the side effects of the advertised drugs! Why would I trade in a relatively healthy, feeling well, strong and happy body for the plethora of pain and dysfunction promised by any of those drugs? Seriously?

We Need Better Language to Talk About Diabetes Management

On this blog, I am attempting to be very aware of the words I use to describe how I am managing my own diabetes and the struggles I’m having as I go. I catch myself using words that are potentially triggering and I work to switch those out with words that make my point understandable, without adding the unwanted aspects of criticism, judgment, or moralism. It’s not an easy task. I think I’ve referred to the “program” I’m following multiple times in this blog already. I’m going to be thinking about better words to use. It’s an evolving process for me.

This May Be Helpful To Know

Am I ever glad I kept a journal (pictured above) the first time I went down this path! I recorded everything: my morning sugar reading, my readings after various meals, everything I ate, supplements I took, my amount of exercise, many comments along the way of how I was feeling, both physically and emotionally. Perhaps the most helpful thing for me to be able to review this morning is the string of profanities laced throughout my notebook. See, even when I was staying on point, the journey wasn’t always smooth sailing. My sugar regularly spiked a little (sometimes a lot!) for no discernible reason. But I stayed the course … and over time, it kept trending in the right direction until it stayed in the good range almost all of the time. Until recently, when I had veered off course over many months during the pandemic.

This Time Feels A Little More Challenging

When I was diagnosed with diabetes almost three years ago, I went into complete panic mode. My doctor just said it matter-of-factly, “you have diabetes” – and offered no further information other than I could start on medication to control it. No thank you! I didn’t receive any nutritional counseling (or for that matter, emotional counseling) from him regarding how to handle this diagnosis and my future health potentials. I was left to figure it out on my own.