TW/CW: Discussion of diabetes, numbers, grief, food issues, emotional/mental health.
Wow! It’s been over three weeks since I’ve written anything on this blog – and what a time it has been! I do not mean that in a good way. First, there was the day I managed to accidentally drop a big speaker on my face, requiring a trip to the hospital and layers of stitches to sew up my nose. Honestly, it could have been so much worse – I am very fortunate all I needed were stitches (and that it didn’t take out one of my eyes instead of my nose). The pain of that was nothing compared to the ongoing pain I was having in my ear and jaw following dental work. I’m not sure if the anesthesia hit a nerve or if my body is just so sensitive – but I was in near-agony for over two weeks. On top of that my temporary crown cracked in half – and the half I was able to glue back in kept falling out. Kind of a miserable time, honestly. The final straw was the news that a dear friend had passed away following an elective surgery. He was only 55, healthy and vital and so alive. Such a kind, loving human being. How could this happen?!?
Diabetes management has not exactly been forefront in my mind … although, I also don’t have the luxury of ignoring it completely.
My point of this post is to say that life happens – and that we don’t always have favorable conditions to manage our diabetes perfectly. In that case, we just do the best we can – and allow that to be good enough. I’ve tended in my life to be a perfectionist – but that isn’t sustainable – or practical or even ideal in a human life. A couple of years ago, my doctor told me that he would consider my diabetes under control by diet and exercise if I could keep my fasting sugar level under 126. Of course, me being me, I set my goal at under 100. And I got there. But it wasn’t sustainable for me – and I had the backlash that always happens when I am too strict with my eating and exercise habits.
My fasting blood sugar at my last appointment was 105, but my new doctor wanted to put me on metformin. My A1C had held steady at 6.6. Not ideal (or even good), I know. But there is no way I was going on metformin. I discussed this in my last post. She backed down when I clearly told her no. She wants to see me again in 6 months. She also informed me that there’s no sign of diabetic retinopathy. They did a scan last time I was there. I’m grateful for that, for sure! So, I’m basically healthy, feeling well other than pain and injuries that have nothing to do with diabetes. I’m also healing well, so that’s another good sign. My energy levels are decent. I’m just living my life – sometimes just trying to survive my life. Grateful for my life.
I was not active the week after I cut my nose. It hurt if I bent over or moved around too much. I was also afraid of re-injuring it, so not feeling like going outside for walks or anything. I just had a quiet week, mostly spent sitting on my bed reading and writing. Since then, I’ve been bouncing on my rebounder and dancing in my room, practicing with my DJ equipment (not putting the speakers up on the stands – they will be staying on the floor, LOL). I haven’t felt like venturing from home. Maybe next week I’ll start doing yoga again. I know how good it is for me, how much better I feel when I do it regularly. I’m also unwilling to force myself – when it flows for me, I’ll do it.
Food wise, I’ve been enjoying a variety of foods, my usual on the healthy side with some fun added in the mix. I’m still seeking the balance where I’m controlling my blood sugar to an acceptable level, but not feeling like I’m denying myself pleasure/sanity around food.
Of course it’s easier to make better choices when circumstances contribute to success – when we can prepare things ahead of time, when we can chew without pain, when we have time and the available energy and wellness to exercise, when we have room in the refrigerator and freezer for our ideal foods (yes, that can totally be an issue!), when we have the physical and emotional bandwidth to prepare the foods and do the things that will keep us in our optimal health. But circumstances don’t always offer us the ideal situations for a variety of reasons – and when that happens, I think we just do our best and give ourselves some grace about it. My attitude has become to just enjoy the moment and do what I need to do to get to the next day. I’ll figure it out from there.
Yesterday, I was working on something and skipped lunch because I didn’t want to stop. Then I was too hungry – and I had nothing already prepared to grab. I ended up grabbing a little bag of Cheetos my friend had brought home. It was delicious! After I ate it, I was able to make a more balanced meal. I’m no longer striving for perfection. I’m just remembering to breathe and to pay attention to how my body feels. Nap when I need that. Eat when I need that. Move/dance when I need that. I’m taking my 124 reading this morning as a win. I haven’t been being super careful. I haven’t been exercising as regularly as usual these past few weeks. I’m just living … and it seems like my blood sugar is doing okay. I’ll keep watching it, of course – but I’m really grateful to not feel like I’m freaking out about it anymore. Breathe. Relax. One day at a time … ❤️.
Disclaimer: Please be advised that I am not a medical professional nor a dietician. This site is not in any way, shape, or form providing any sort of diagnosis, advice, cures, or recommendations for medical or dietary treatments. I am simply sharing my own journey and experiences. Nothing I say is intended to replace proper medical care.